Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Too Political






While driving through McCook, Nebraska I happened to see this sign.  I see this as a testament to the fact that our country has become too divided among party lines.  Blue state, red state can't we all just come together and agree that Punxsutawney Phil is a groundhog with no agenda.  Here are some facts:  Phil is a groundhog, groundhogs have an average life span of 10 years, but Phil is well documented to be over one hundred and twenty-five years old.  His extremely unusual longevity is proof that he takes his predictions very seriously.  Through sheer force of will Phil has stayed alive to give us poor short term predictions of the weather.  I can not think of any other animals that have made this kind of sacrifice.  Sure we all know about Guadalajar Gary, the Turner Island Woodrat in Mexico, who would predict changes in barometric pressure from  June to July, but he was regularly off by more than 103.438 hecotpascals......laughable.   Or Wall Street Wally the Grizzly Bear who would predict the 200 day moving average of the S&P but when it turned out to be Bernie Madoff in a bear suite I think we all lost a little bit of innocents that day.  
      The point is there are not very many animal predicting heroes in the world.
 Here is a list of the predictions by Phil:
YearPrediction
1887–1888Long winter  (Phil beats out random guess as best predictor of weather)
1889No record   (No entertainment for the whole year, people pray for the invention of the T.V.)
1890Early spring  (Phil hailed as most accurate predictor since Nostradamus)
1891–1897No record  (The nation perceives having an animal predict the weather as insane and put full faith in science.  Famine is eradicated, interplanetary travel becomes common, and world wide peace is achieved.
1898Long winter  (All memory and evidence of 91-97 wiped out and we go back to the groundhog)
1899No record  (groundhog weather predicting somehow seen as not important enough to record)
1900–1901Long winter  (First time Phil is wrong, thousands perish, by becoming slightly overheated with too many layers on)
1902Early spring  (Second time Phil is wrong, thousands perish from slight chill and low sweater production)
1903–1933Long winter    (Longest winter in recorded history, lasts for thirty years)
1934Early spring  (Phil forced to not see shadow by angry mob)
1935–1941Long winter  (The years known only as "Phil's Revenge")
1942"War clouds have blacked out parts of the shadow."  (A real quote, but let's face it a bit of a cop out since there were no war clouds blacking out parts of the shadow........oh I don't know...EVERY YEAR BEFORE AND SINCE. 
1943No appearance ( World War II) (Not a cop out because Phil was actually drafted)
1944–1949Long winter (Phil finds a cure for cancer, becomes first animal to start talking, and builds early model for the Internet, but people only focus on the "long winter/early spring" thing 
1950Early spring  (Phil falls into a deep depression.  Drinks heavily, assaults a Squirrel, sees shadows EVERYWHERE.)
1951–1969Long winter  (Phil builds a fall out shelter and predicts "Last Winter")
1970Early spring  (Phil becomes an activist and endorses "Silent Spring" as this years theme, no one listens, he's a groundhog.)
1971–1974Long winter (Phil wrong again, thousands die from poorly planned vacations)
1975Early spring  (Phil enters new stage of life where he accepts himself)
1976–1982Long winter  (early spring sunburn cream companies go out of business)
1983Early spring (100% of population get early spring sunburn)
1984–1985Long winter ( Phil mysteriously becomes a billionaire by investing in mittens and snow shovels)
1986Early spring  (he's right)
1987Long winter (he's wrong)
1988Early spring(right)
1989Long winter(wrong)
1990Early spring (starts to not care as much)
1991–1994Long winter  (Phil entangled in nasty scandal using Doplar 10 radar)
1995Early spring (rumors swirl about his relationship with men wearing top hats and scruffy beards kissing Phil)
1996Long winter (Phil starts to just flip a coin)
1997Early spring (Phil gets management)
1998Long winter(The "inner circle" of the Phil fan club have a secret elixir they give Phil that increases his life span by seven years and has kept him alive for over 121 years)-I didn't make his one up by the way
1999Early spring (Phil prays for the sweet calming embrace of death)
2000–2006Long winter (Buckeye Chuck, Wiarton Willie, and Shubenacadie Sam fill out the ranks of groundhogs that predicts the weather at worse than random chance.) 
2007Early spring (Phil reflects on his life and writes memoir "Between Light and Shadows")
2008–2010Long winter ( Meteorologists around the world beg Phil for his amazing ability to predict the weather correctly 39% of the time, or put another way: 11% worse than random chance. or put yet another way, still 25% better than the average weather man.
2011Early spring (Phil is call a liar)
I suppose my plea is a simple one, let Phil be Phil.  Wrong or Right Phil has never given us any reason to think he has maliciously lied to us.